I think about writing and promise myself I will do a better
job at keeping my blog updated. This time I am not holding myself to these
expectations. I want to write to find joy and maybe some sanity in the chaos I
call life. So that may be a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. No expectations.
Which brings me to the topic of this post. Expectations. We
all have them. But are they starting to replace Faith? It have been something I
have been chewing on the last couple of days. Do they go hand in hand with
Faith or are they like weeds that slowly start choking the life out of the
flowers and eventually take over the whole garden? Do expectations kill Faith?
Heavy thinking especially on a beautiful weekend when this
thought process hit me while grocery shopping. I really know how to live life
right? The joys of being a mother who needs to feed three growing girls and a
hardworking husband who seem to be hungry all the time. This thought entered in
when I was telling my girls my expectations for their behavior and the
cleanliness of their room. Feeling angry and frustrated I walked away. I started to think about the other areas of my
life that I have expectations. I expect
to get good grades and to graduate with a good GPA so I can get a good job so
we can move to a bigger house and provide bigger and better things for our
family. Nothing wrong with that right? It is good to have goals in life and a
plan in place to achieve it but things get blurred when we start to expect things.
Expectations lead to a place where Faith goes to die.
Hear me out. You may think I my words are brutal but that is
not my intention or you may think I have fallen off my rocker. I’m hoping this causes a pause in your spirit
to think about it. What are your expectations in life? How has it worked out
for you?
Allow me to share my experience with expectations. The last
five years I have been stuck in my Faith. Doors closing, things being taking
away, with nothing to replace it. My expectations were high. My husband and I
were in school, his job was good. We were going places. He wanted to be in
ministry and I wanted to counsel people. An opportunity popped up and we felt
that this was the next step for us. So much that we didn’t pray about it, we
knew this is what God’s next step was for us and expectation replaced faith. We
worked hard for it. Why wouldn’t we get it? We expected this position. When we
were passed over, we went through all the emotions. Hurt, anger, contempt. This
was the start of a journey that would break us and lead us to our knees which
is where we should have been all along.
We decided to continue to grow in our education and
experience in hopes new opportunities would come our way. Our expectations were
high and we were disappointed every time. Every time we were passed over or we
felt mistreated or they did not say what we expected we would become more hurt
and bitter. We started to think God was speaking through us through people,
that they knew Him better than us instead of seeking God himself and seeing the
people around us as vessels God is trying to use through their brokenness and
flaws. I grew weary of no one meeting my expectations especially God. I felt
abandoned. I was tired of being bitter and angry. Tired of feeling empty.
Something needed to change.
As I started on this journey, I was hoping to improve me and
find God through this process. He put amazing people of Faith in my path. Ones
that poured unconditional love and empathy into me. I started to see people for
people and not as God. He loves me and wants me. He never abandoned me. I did.
He did not live up to my expectations. Nor should He. Faith is trust. It gives
you peace. It is the knowledge that He is in control and He works all things
for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His
purpose (Romans 8:28). Not my purpose. His. Expectations set the bar high. It misleads and deceives. It makes us believe
what we think we should have versus what we actually need.There will always be
disappointments. So toss the expectations out the window. I promise it’s the
most freeing feeling. You’ll feel like a toddler after the bath running around
naked. The look on their face is pure joy. Who wouldn’t want that?
No comments:
Post a Comment