Our Current Stage

As I look over my postings on my blog, I can see how it’s evolving. I used to update with cute stories of the girls and as they are getting bigger and are in school full-time and as I’ve entered school we have gotten busier meaning fewer and fewer blog postings. I feel like every time I feel prompted to post is now about the more serious things that are going on. As I’m striving to become an authentic person, to be able to be one of those people what you see is what you get, I feel like since this goal has been set, God is stretching me and putting my words to the test. This leads me to share the struggle Ben and I have been dealing with.

 

I have shared with some of you that Ben and I are being called to adopt. We’ve felt this long before Riley was born but always felt the timing was off. Last year we started looking into it, attending informational meetings. Reviewing the pros and cons of domestic versus international.  We decided that domestic would be more ideal and affordable for our family.  After visiting Lily of the Valley Orphanage in Mexico last year, I fell in love with the children. This surprised me because I had my heart set on a baby or toddler. My reasoning was to try and not mess with the birth order of our children. But older kids ironically I have a harder time connecting with. Many of these kids are older and out of my comfort zone but if I could have I would have brought them home with me. After the trip I realized Ben and my mistake, although we felt like we were doing what God called us to do, WE made the decision about domestic because international for us was overwhelming financially. It was in our comfort zone. We always insist on learning the hard way. In the wise words of Steve Furtick, God will take you out of your comfort zone but never out of your sweet spot. He will not lead you somewhere without equipping you first.

 

Once our minds and hearts were open to international, God took over. What started out as a normal conversation with a friend in December turned to adoption where I told her I had always wanted to adopt from Africa. Before this I had never vocalized this. My heart strings have always been tugged by Africa but my thinking was to spend my life on the mission field there. Her eyes light up and told me to talk to a mutual friend of ours.

 

If some of you have continued reading that is, I wanted to give you some of the background of the story and how we have come to this point. Maybe you are questioning why I am sharing this with you. I wanted to wait until all of our paperwork had been approved and we’d been matched with a child before saying anything. The big reason I believe that held me back from saying anything is fear. Maybe because I was afraid there would be criticism because we already have three girls. How will we afford it and where will you fit another child?  Fear that we would be questioned on how we were going to manage four kids when our lives seem so busy and chaotic. Fear that if I said something maybe things wouldn’t work out and I would have to explain why. Fear accomplishes nothing but keeps us where we are at. By not saying anything, we are stopping people from supporting us through advice, love, and prayers. Prayers that we need right now. 

God has been and continues to be very faithful to us in this process. When we had no idea where the money would come from for the application and home study fee, God has given it to us. Unfortunately we have hit a wall. First off I have to say Ben is an amazing provider for our family. He is a hard worker and sometimes his work ethic and talents are underappreciated.  He recently has become self-employed. His goal is to make sure that his family is provided for no matter the number of hours he works or how much he makes an hour. Being in the construction field has its ups and downs. When things are good they are good but when they are low, things get a little tight. We have qualified for governmental assistance and are working hard to be off of it. Pride kept me from saying anything because there is a stigma that comes with it and I couldn’t handle it. I’ve come to the realization that if I hold onto my pride, it stops me from allowing people to see the real me, flaws and all: from being the authentic person I want to be and it stops me from being used to my full potential for the plans God has for me. So in order to proceed with the adoption we need to make the income requirements and be off all governmental programs. Our biggest concern is health insurance for the girls.

Right now we are coveting your prayers for our adoption and guidance on what the next step is. We know our God is big and can overcome any situation no matter how impossible we think it is. The hard part is the waiting.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings!