Our Current Stage

As I look over my postings on my blog, I can see how it’s evolving. I used to update with cute stories of the girls and as they are getting bigger and are in school full-time and as I’ve entered school we have gotten busier meaning fewer and fewer blog postings. I feel like every time I feel prompted to post is now about the more serious things that are going on. As I’m striving to become an authentic person, to be able to be one of those people what you see is what you get, I feel like since this goal has been set, God is stretching me and putting my words to the test. This leads me to share the struggle Ben and I have been dealing with.

 

I have shared with some of you that Ben and I are being called to adopt. We’ve felt this long before Riley was born but always felt the timing was off. Last year we started looking into it, attending informational meetings. Reviewing the pros and cons of domestic versus international.  We decided that domestic would be more ideal and affordable for our family.  After visiting Lily of the Valley Orphanage in Mexico last year, I fell in love with the children. This surprised me because I had my heart set on a baby or toddler. My reasoning was to try and not mess with the birth order of our children. But older kids ironically I have a harder time connecting with. Many of these kids are older and out of my comfort zone but if I could have I would have brought them home with me. After the trip I realized Ben and my mistake, although we felt like we were doing what God called us to do, WE made the decision about domestic because international for us was overwhelming financially. It was in our comfort zone. We always insist on learning the hard way. In the wise words of Steve Furtick, God will take you out of your comfort zone but never out of your sweet spot. He will not lead you somewhere without equipping you first.

 

Once our minds and hearts were open to international, God took over. What started out as a normal conversation with a friend in December turned to adoption where I told her I had always wanted to adopt from Africa. Before this I had never vocalized this. My heart strings have always been tugged by Africa but my thinking was to spend my life on the mission field there. Her eyes light up and told me to talk to a mutual friend of ours.

 

If some of you have continued reading that is, I wanted to give you some of the background of the story and how we have come to this point. Maybe you are questioning why I am sharing this with you. I wanted to wait until all of our paperwork had been approved and we’d been matched with a child before saying anything. The big reason I believe that held me back from saying anything is fear. Maybe because I was afraid there would be criticism because we already have three girls. How will we afford it and where will you fit another child?  Fear that we would be questioned on how we were going to manage four kids when our lives seem so busy and chaotic. Fear that if I said something maybe things wouldn’t work out and I would have to explain why. Fear accomplishes nothing but keeps us where we are at. By not saying anything, we are stopping people from supporting us through advice, love, and prayers. Prayers that we need right now. 

God has been and continues to be very faithful to us in this process. When we had no idea where the money would come from for the application and home study fee, God has given it to us. Unfortunately we have hit a wall. First off I have to say Ben is an amazing provider for our family. He is a hard worker and sometimes his work ethic and talents are underappreciated.  He recently has become self-employed. His goal is to make sure that his family is provided for no matter the number of hours he works or how much he makes an hour. Being in the construction field has its ups and downs. When things are good they are good but when they are low, things get a little tight. We have qualified for governmental assistance and are working hard to be off of it. Pride kept me from saying anything because there is a stigma that comes with it and I couldn’t handle it. I’ve come to the realization that if I hold onto my pride, it stops me from allowing people to see the real me, flaws and all: from being the authentic person I want to be and it stops me from being used to my full potential for the plans God has for me. So in order to proceed with the adoption we need to make the income requirements and be off all governmental programs. Our biggest concern is health insurance for the girls.

Right now we are coveting your prayers for our adoption and guidance on what the next step is. We know our God is big and can overcome any situation no matter how impossible we think it is. The hard part is the waiting.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings!

Finding the Words......

I have been trying for the last month to try and put words to what my relationship with my grandma has meant to me over my entire life. It has not been an easy task and I am beginning to think there may not be the right words to describe what an inspiring influence she has been. So I decided to put together some random memories and thoughts. Growing up as a Coast Guard brat, we moved around a lot. So home base for my sisters and me was Grandma and Grandpa’s house. My first clear memory of going to see Grandma was when I was six. It was an unexpected trip. My grandpa had died and we were going to his funeral. We lived in Wisconsin at the time and it was a twelve hour trip. Being six, I didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation, I just knew we were going and seeing Grandma. The excitement kept me up all eleven hours and fifteen minutes much to the dismay of my big sisters who were being kept awake by their very chatty little sister. Needless to say it was a relief when I fell asleep. I still remember walking in and being picked up by Grandma and sitting in her orange chair hearing her say “Ah my Amanda”. Then she got up and got snicker doodles out of the freezer because we must be hungry after such a long trip. Going to Minnesota was filled with endless amounts of food, laughter, playing countless games of Uno with our cousins, and late nights. Although Grandma never seemed to require much sleep because after a late night you would always find her in the early morning at the breakfast nook with her Bible and her coffee. I always suspected she must have been a super hero who never needed sleep. I did discover her secret in later years. A great power nap in the afternoon does wonders for your energy level. As time continues to pass, going to see Grandma still is the biggest the highlight of the year. The next memory that has impacted me was when we got to move to Minnesota. It was hard to leave my big sisters behind in Traverse City but we were going to live near Grandma! Nothing got better then that. Plus Grandma is nicer then my sisters where but in all fairness I may have been good at being the annoying little sister. Grandma and I spent lots of time together. She took us to church and then to Hardees’s for a pop and a cookie afterwards. Then during the week it was Missionettes and then later she would take me to youth group. Thursday nights were the best day of the week. I got to have a sleepover at Grandma’s house. I did enjoy youth group, it was the one guarantee that I got to hang out with my two best friends but truth be told I was an awkward teenager. I was painfully shy with severe overbite and huge glasses (Ironically they are in style now. I knew I was always ahead of my time!) Which did not make me a confident cool kid but with Grandma, I always felt like the coolest kid on the planet. We would eat ice cream and watch ER which still makes me laugh because we could never convince her it was E.R. It was listed in the T.V. guide as er so that’s what she called it. Those four years planted the seed for my faith. Grandma is the epitome of what it means to have a humble servant’s heart. She always helped in anyway she could. She did everything from setting up communion to teaching preschool to praying over someone. Any way she could help, she did. She did it without needing praise or reconization. In my opinion, she didn’t want it. Grandma saw a need that she could fill. It came second nature to her. She served because that’s what Jesus calls us to do. As I look over the things in my life I can see how much of an impact she has had. Without her I wouldn’t realize how rewarding it is to volunteer in the church, what a true prayer warrior looks like, what a small difference you can make when you put another’s needs above your own. My Grandma is an amazing woman and I do not think there will be ever the right words to describe how much she means to me. Thank you doesn’t seem adequate for all that she has done. The one thing I can do is honor her contributions by reflecting what ethics and morals she has instilled into me and passing them on to my children.